Life, As It Is

Life has never been easy for me. Nor has it ever been impossible. It just has always been a bit too difficult. And that's the problem. I don't get things easily. Most times, I don't get those at all and like quite recently, I get those but lose as quickly as I can.

My life has always been along the edge. And I keep slipping. Barely making it to the next benchmark. I live on the peak of the most rugged mountain. Left, right, front, back; everywhere, I lose something. Staying is unbearable and going back is torturous.

There are a few flowers on the way, ever ready to spread their magical smell. But when you come near, you realize they stink and the sweet odour was just a cover-up. The vines grow and throw you off the feet; you try to get up, they push you back; herbs that were supposed to heal you, poison your wounds.

And to add chillies to an already hot soup, since the last 3rd year, I have developed this great attribute of quitting. Not many know, but I am about do it for the 8th time in a row.

What lies ahead, or rather behind now, are chartered waters; but the waters that pull you down. Every. Single. Time.

So, it goes like this. I am living on quick sand, I have to walk on burning coal and all this, only to fall into the inevitable black hole.

HINDI

         Bengalis are going extinct under the weight of Hindi(not Hindu, read properly) and no one is even caring. "You are a Bengali? Speak in Hindi."

"You completed your education in English? Speak in Hindi."

"Oh! You are an Adivasi? I am going to beat you to Hindi."

"Shhh! That's a Tamilian. Let us hide from him the fact, that Tamil is older than Sanskrit, so that he can be subdued by us."

         They say that Hindi is the identity of India. A culture, which has time and again, taught that language doesn't matter as long as your conscience is alive, is being called a Hindi-culture.

       Remember Sant Eknath of Maharashtra? Dude! Even his son, Hari Pandit, went against him for teaching the Puranas in Marathi. Even then, they judged against non-Sanskrit speakers. But what happened? Eknath turned out to be equal to a thousand brahmans.

        Today too, when most "Hindi-protectors" can't speak Sanskrit themselves, they are making Hindi (a so-called descendent of Sanskrit) their language of destruction. You may say that all these are political strategies for parties. Well, then why did I get called "Angrez" and "Anti-national" on using some English words during the casual conversation I was having?

        Hindi-speakers chide you for using "Chaddo" if you are not Punjabi. But they force Hindi upon people from other language backgrounds. They make fun of Bengali speakers. They are disgusted by the Dravidian languages. North-Eastern languages are Chinese to them. And if you don't speak in Hindi, you are not Indian. Yes, a 2-century old language is the language of a million years old civilization.

        Sorry to hurt you, dear and not dear Hindi-lovers, but you ain't doing any good job by speaking in Hindi. Bihar has already lost its linguistic identity because of Hindi being forced upon them. Bhojpuri and Maithili used to have their own scripts, but they are brushed aside as being just dialects of Hindi. They even say Rajasthani is a dialect of Hindi and that Hanuman Chalisa is in Hindi.(Apparently, even Awadhi, which is older than Hindi, is now a dialect of Hindi.) Save Bihar, Rajasthan and the rest of India from the attack of Hindi. Say no to Hindi and Save India.

Edit #1:

           Wanted to add some lines by Rabindranath Tagore on Hindi, “Whatever the national convenience of a language that can facilitate inter-cultural communication in our country, it remains a mere convenience and cannot replace the value of one’s native tongue as a vehicle of intimate self-expression.

            I have in my institution at Santiniketan provision for the teaching of Hindi as well as Urdu."

Edit #2:

Also, India is the fastest language-losing nation on earth. The UNESCO lists 197 Indian languages as endangered or vulnerable, more than any other country. According to the PLS, we have lost 50 languages in the past five decades. That means murdering of an entire Indian culture just because the people in power were from Hindi-background!

My Youtube Video on Hindi : https://bit.ly/3LNXiZT

Depression Diary!

 Beautiful Souls!

Firstly, if you are looking for a scientific analysis of depression and want tested and verified tips to cope up with it, this is not the blog you want...

But,
If you wanna read what resonates with your present feelings and wanna know how a completely drowned girl came out of the water, well, you have reached your destination...

So, let's start with how The Devil Depression begins...
It is the tension and the stress, or the work load and the sudden changes in life, or just the people, close to your heart, not realizing that you can feel too, that opens your mind's window to depression. It's their over-expectations and unrealistic demands that dial Depression's number.
Depression slowly creeps into your mind, first as frustation. Then it is the dire need of a complete break which you don't get, definitely. Then comes your declining performance and people's speculations of what's wrong with you. And then the final nail on the coffin of the peace of your mind, "It's all in your head." or like I got it, "You're doing this to gain attention."
Yeah, right! I want to suicide just to get your attention...

Soon, over a period of time, you forget that you can actually be happy. You think that you have never been good enough. You don't have a low confidence, you have a zero confidence. Your family gets irritated, your friends get bored. And then you realize that you are good for nothing and that your life is a burden on earth.
You suffocate; you wanna get out; you want people to know, understand and help you because you have tried and failed daily, for years, to come out of this quicksand called Depression.
Days, weeks, months, years; all the same.

You have a heartbeat, but you feel still. You want to get out and go to work, but you can't see why. Hopelessness was already there, now lack of purpose gets in. The stillness of your heart and mind tears your soul...
And congratulations! You have successfully achieved full depression.

Depression makes you feel worthless. But you know the best part? You are the sky. The clouds will come, but they can't stay forever. And I'll tell how mine left but in the next blog. I apologise...

Bye Sweethearts! Keep holding on. I am here for you.❤