Since a long time, during my chronic loneliness, I had remembered the pain of betrayal but not the actual stories. I knew I'm hurt and sad out of back-stabbing, betrayals and some more things but I couldn't remember what had actually happened.
This was because I had stopped making friends a long time ago because in primary school itself, I faced a lot of betrayals. So, that's how I became and went by my days; introvert, socially awkward and "friend" hater.
But recently, having completed college, I faced this storm of loneliness. I felt like I am in outerspace without an oxygen mask. I suffered, a lot, in silence, without my family's knowing(as if they'd care), during the covid-19 lockdown and week before I decided that enough is enough.
I need friends. I can't continue waiting for Prince Charming(vaise bhi IITians ke bhav bahut hote hai). So, I messaged everyone, I've ever had the least communication with on facebook as well as whatsapp. Guess what? Oh! I'm overwhelmed to share.
Only 50% of them replied back. Not surprised actually; I don't have notes to share anymore(nor am I sexy).
So, I chatted with the remaining 50% on facebook. They said that they were trying to contact me but my whatsapp was off. I shared my number with them, the same old number. And waited for their message, which hasn't come yet and I wonder if they'll ever come. So, I came down to 25% of my whatsapp friends. Oooh! The intimate ones.
One among them had said before that I am very special to him and he could give his life for him. And after chatting for a week, I shared this family issue I'm facing and since he claims to have legal knowledge, I asked for help and advice and what I got in return is a "Hmmm"!(Oh! My favourite word.)
So, were the other friends. "SLD! I'm always there for you. Remember me whenever you need something.". And now, "Oh don't worry about it. People have gone crazy in lockdown."
Yeah! Lockdown has made my relatives want to put my father in lockup.... Simple as that.
So, just one friend actually tried to help me. She contacted her really powerful college friend. Let's see if he can help.
So, in conclusion, from 20-25 friends, I came down to 1 in just a week. This is why I am a loner. I wasn't born this way. Actually, I was supposed to be a social butterfly. But being unrich, untalented and unsexy, people often unfriended me and betrayed me(after use). I didn't remember this as I stopped actively trying to make new friends since standard 6, but my soul or heart or brain or whatever it is, remembered the hurt. Probably, that's why they say to trust your gut.
But honestly, loneliness kills!
