The Driver of my Life Bus

     So, they say that we ourselves are the drivers of our life. If it's our life, it's our choice. Well, most my life, other people have directed my bus, so much that after a point of time, I gave up wanting to know where to go, or even where I am going.

     Like a recent incident that happened os that my sister's friend had come to Ranchi. Yesterday, I was just saying "Hello! Hi!" to the friend on whatsapp and asked her to meet my sister, if possible, just to pass her time. Not compulsory and no specific reason. She said that they had already decided on meeting today.

     This fired back as that they are meeting only because I asked them to and because I too wanted to meet the friend. And so, now I must go to meet the friend with my sister. I can't even refuse because my sister is already angry with me on this matter. If I say, "No!", it will create a large scale scourge at home. And no one, not a single person, will even try to understand my side of the story.

How, in this situation, am I the driver of my bus?

And I have again become the villain of my family. And all I wanted was to give some happy time to my sister.

When I was selected for St. Xavier's College, Mumbai, for undergraduation, and my mother refused firmly, was I the driver? It would have been easier than CMI as:

1. It is convent place, so, more comfortable for me.

2. It was for UG, and I had more self-confidence, resilience and desire to work hard in UG.

3. All the incidents that broke me, like the familu quarrel that changed our family environment forever, me giving up on my dreams for my parents, etc, hadn't happened.

4. I had not wasted 2 years of my life.

5. I would have gone there for the subject I actually liked, not the one I waa settling for.

6. The fees was much less compared to CMI's, which is a huge factor, as I havw grown up hearing of our financial issues on a daily basis, so, being "Okay!" with the money factor is important for me to function.

I wanted to try acting. Mother said, "No!". How was a 13 year old, who still holds her mother so dearly, was supposed to go against her?

     Now, I don't even know what my destination is and what are the possible routes to take it. I don't even want to try knowing because then I'd start getting hopeful again and hope has been my greatest abuser since forever. After all this, all I can say is:

     "Even if I AM the driver of my bus, I feel like I took one wrong turn and now the bus is falling off a cliff, out of my control."

Proof of my innocence: