Showing posts with label nightmares. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nightmares. Show all posts

Sunday, 18 June 2023

Flashbacks

     Do you have that thing where you suddenly remember something sad or embarrassing and have a sudden rush of fear in your body?

     Yes, I do. I get these flashbacks, at least a solid seven to eight times a day. They usually last for a second or two. But the memory it calls back, spoils my mood for the next couple of hours.

     Like I remember the time when I got a few answers in my standard 6 English test, that were correct according to the book, and my teacher scolded me for bringing the matter to her. P.S., I was polite when I showed her the book.

     I was late on submitting my assignment in standard 9 due to my depression. And I was given the "You are the worst student ever" look by my teacher and her eyes still haunt me. When I was telling my teacher that I was late because of some genuine reasons, this other girl who was with me, told me not to do that in a rather looking down upon tone and her words and tone still haunt me.

     Like the time when I knew the answer to a question but my tutur at 11th standard coaching, shunned me down and didn't let me speak. Like when he made fun of me, saying that I am inconsistent, when I stood first in the second test after coming 6th in the first test.

     Like every time I remember anything about CMI. Even when I remember my time with my roommate, Sadhvika, I have the sudden rush of fear and same, even though I really appreciate her. I hate anything and everything related to Narendran. I was really trying to remain at CMI and I would have but the few people who made things worse for me include Narendran and Ritirupa(senior). The paragraph about CMI would be a long one, so, moving on.

     I recently read somewhere that such flashbacks are a result of PTSD, both types. What's worse in cases like mine is that we are unable to heal as we are stuck forever in the environment, causing us this trauma, every single day.
     

     

TROUBLE IN PARADISE

     I don't know what I'm feeling. My friend, I'll use the nickname I have for her, Mi-Chan, is angry with me; and I know that ...