BETRAYAL

Since a long time, during my chronic loneliness, I had remembered the pain of betrayal but not the actual stories. I knew I'm hurt and sad out of back-stabbing, betrayals and some more things but I couldn't remember what had actually happened.

This was because I had stopped making friends a long time ago because in primary school itself, I faced a lot of betrayals. So, that's how I became and went by my days; introvert, socially awkward and "friend" hater. 

But recently, having completed college, I faced this storm of loneliness. I felt like I am in outerspace without an oxygen mask. I suffered, a lot, in silence, without my family's knowing(as if they'd care), during the covid-19 lockdown and week before I decided that enough is enough.

I need friends. I can't continue waiting for Prince Charming(vaise bhi IITians ke bhav bahut hote hai). So, I messaged everyone, I've ever had the least communication with on facebook as well as whatsapp. Guess what? Oh! I'm overwhelmed to share. 

Only 50% of them replied back. Not surprised actually; I don't have notes to share anymore(nor am I sexy).

So, I chatted with the remaining 50% on facebook. They said that they were trying to contact me but my whatsapp was off. I shared my number with them, the same old number. And waited for their message, which hasn't come yet and I wonder if they'll ever come. So, I came down to 25% of my whatsapp friends. Oooh! The intimate ones. 

One among them had said before that I am very special to him and he could give his life for him. And after chatting for a week, I shared this family issue I'm facing and since he claims to have legal knowledge, I asked for help and advice and what I got in return is a "Hmmm"!(Oh! My favourite word.)

So, were the other friends. "SLD! I'm always there for you. Remember me whenever you need something.". And now, "Oh don't worry about it. People have gone crazy in lockdown."

Yeah! Lockdown has made my relatives want to put my father in lockup.... Simple as that. 

So, just one friend actually tried to help me. She contacted her really powerful college friend. Let's see if he can help. 

So, in conclusion, from 20-25 friends, I came down to 1 in just a week. This is why I am a loner. I wasn't born this way. Actually, I was supposed to be a social butterfly. But being unrich, untalented and unsexy, people often unfriended me and betrayed me(after use). I didn't remember this as I stopped actively trying to make new friends since standard 6, but my soul or heart or brain or whatever it is, remembered the hurt. Probably, that's why they say to trust your gut.

But honestly, loneliness kills!

HINDI

         Bengalis are going extinct under the weight of Hindi(not Hindu, read properly) and no one is even caring. "You are a Bengali? Speak in Hindi."

"You completed your education in English? Speak in Hindi."

"Oh! You are an Adivasi? I am going to beat you to Hindi."

"Shhh! That's a Tamilian. Let us hide from him the fact, that Tamil is older than Sanskrit, so that he can be subdued by us."

         They say that Hindi is the identity of India. A culture, which has time and again, taught that language doesn't matter as long as your conscience is alive, is being called a Hindi-culture.

       Remember Sant Eknath of Maharashtra? Dude! Even his son, Hari Pandit, went against him for teaching the Puranas in Marathi. Even then, they judged against non-Sanskrit speakers. But what happened? Eknath turned out to be equal to a thousand brahmans.

        Today too, when most "Hindi-protectors" can't speak Sanskrit themselves, they are making Hindi (a so-called descendent of Sanskrit) their language of destruction. You may say that all these are political strategies for parties. Well, then why did I get called "Angrez" and "Anti-national" on using some English words during the casual conversation I was having?

        Hindi-speakers chide you for using "Chaddo" if you are not Punjabi. But they force Hindi upon people from other language backgrounds. They make fun of Bengali speakers. They are disgusted by the Dravidian languages. North-Eastern languages are Chinese to them. And if you don't speak in Hindi, you are not Indian. Yes, a 2-century old language is the language of a million years old civilization.

        Sorry to hurt you, dear and not dear Hindi-lovers, but you ain't doing any good job by speaking in Hindi. Bihar has already lost its linguistic identity because of Hindi being forced upon them. Bhojpuri and Maithili used to have their own scripts, but they are brushed aside as being just dialects of Hindi. They even say Rajasthani is a dialect of Hindi and that Hanuman Chalisa is in Hindi.(Apparently, even Awadhi, which is older than Hindi, is now a dialect of Hindi.) Save Bihar, Rajasthan and the rest of India from the attack of Hindi. Say no to Hindi and Save India.

Edit #1:

           Wanted to add some lines by Rabindranath Tagore on Hindi, “Whatever the national convenience of a language that can facilitate inter-cultural communication in our country, it remains a mere convenience and cannot replace the value of one’s native tongue as a vehicle of intimate self-expression.

            I have in my institution at Santiniketan provision for the teaching of Hindi as well as Urdu."

Edit #2:

Also, India is the fastest language-losing nation on earth. The UNESCO lists 197 Indian languages as endangered or vulnerable, more than any other country. According to the PLS, we have lost 50 languages in the past five decades. That means murdering of an entire Indian culture just because the people in power were from Hindi-background!

My Youtube Video on Hindi : https://bit.ly/3LNXiZT

Depression Diary! - Part 2

Nothing is the same after you enter life's "depression" phase from "being the carefree kid with big ambitions" phase. Yeah, you eat normally, breathe normally, have cravings and mood swings and every other normal human thing. But then again, nothing is the same again.

Depression makes you observant. You better notice people's hypocrisy, especially of the ones closer to you. You see how "Go vegan" is just a non-veg hater's inferiority complex and not any care for animals' lives. You see how your friends just pretend to be secular and liberal and only blame others for their extremist beliefs. You realize that the ones who claim that you are their best friend are actually the ones that want to see you fall. 

 

Other than these painful things, depression has a beauty to it too. It makes you a romantic. It makes you a lover of poems and shayari and music and other art. And suddenly, after some couples of years in you depression bed, you realize its cushions are better than the cushions of normalcy. And you want to stay here more, just like the songlines "Mainu pinjre de vich qaid kara, mai na udhna chahva. Je mai bahar nikla te mainu maar dengi hava va." by Gurnazar.

And after Dwelling in the darkness of depression for a long time, when somehow the door to happiness opens, you are scared of stepping out that door. No, not because you are now used to deppression, but because the creatures, that sent you to the dungeon of depression, are still lurking out there, waiting to prey, on you. 

Ending with an observation of mine. Some people are so damn lucky 'cause when I publish my blogs and show them, they won't believe it's true, that it's made up. Well! I hope it never becomes true for you. It shall be my gift to you.