TROUBLE IN PARADISE

    I don't know what I'm feeling. My friend, I'll use the nickname I have for her, Mi-Chan, is angry with me; and I know that I deserve it.

    So, she has been going through a lot of toxic friendships at the library she used to go for studying. Narcissistic friend, red-flag pursuers, perverts and what not?

    And all this after she has had a horrible childhood; absent father and narcissistic mother who just wanted a son.

    But recently, the matter of her narcissistic friend and the pervert escalated. I could see she was really suffering and I gave her the best advices I could, talked to her over the phone for hours and tried to be there for her as much as I could.

       But then. the last blow on the nail came in the guise of a serious argument between her parents. She couldn't tell me what it was about but from her chats, I could tell it was of proportions she had never seen before. I tried to be there as much as I could for her and she became better after a few days but then about a week or so later, we again talked about our sufferings.

    She continued blaming God for her problems and I tried to show her how God is actually trying to help her through therapists, her friendships, internet service, her scooty, etc. I tried to give her the example of the drowning man who wanted God to help him but denied His help when it came in the form of swimmers, boats and ships.

    I could tell she disliked it given that she only replied with a reaction to my message. I was hurt because we have talked on such topics innumerable times but she still isn't ready to see who is actually responsible for her troubles, just like my sister.

    A few days later, she sent me 2 recordings, one for insulting a mere show-off of charity work by the pervert and second, honestly, I don't remember and I can't listen to it again because she deleted them when I didn't reply for a few hours. I had heard them but couldn't bring myself to reply to her because I was totally hurt by her constant refusal to heal, even when she has the means to do so, and continuing to enjoy the toxicity and negativity of the people around her whom she can easily cut off.

    Then, she was changed.

    She didn't come online for a full day, was giving minimal replies to my chats (just yes or no or reactions) and when I asked what had happened that day, among other messages, she didn't reply to this particular message.

    I know I'm at fault here. My friend has the worst of family and I abandoned her, even though for a few hours, but I did. But I tried talking to her again but she isn't letting me in. And now, I don't even want to try anymore. Not that now I'm angry at her or my ego is hurt, just that I love her and I don't want our friendship to end but also, that I feel like someone is rubbing hot sand on my fresh open wounds, everytime, I try to be there for her, especially, since her issues with the narcisstisic friend started, about whom I warned her many times but she spoke to that friend, till the last day; even after insulting her and complaining about her to me for hours without end on the phone.

    I just feel emotionally numb. I love Mi-Chan but I just can't put in anymore effort.

HINDI

         Bengalis are going extinct under the weight of Hindi(not Hindu, read properly) and no one is even caring. "You are a Bengali? Speak in Hindi."

"You completed your education in English? Speak in Hindi."

"Oh! You are an Adivasi? I am going to beat you to Hindi."

"Shhh! That's a Tamilian. Let us hide from him the fact, that Tamil is older than Sanskrit, so that he can be subdued by us."

         They say that Hindi is the identity of India. A culture, which has time and again, taught that language doesn't matter as long as your conscience is alive, is being called a Hindi-culture.

       Remember Sant Eknath of Maharashtra? Dude! Even his son, Hari Pandit, went against him for teaching the Puranas in Marathi. Even then, they judged against non-Sanskrit speakers. But what happened? Eknath turned out to be equal to a thousand brahmans.

        Today too, when most "Hindi-protectors" can't speak Sanskrit themselves, they are making Hindi (a so-called descendent of Sanskrit) their language of destruction. You may say that all these are political strategies for parties. Well, then why did I get called "Angrez" and "Anti-national" on using some English words during the casual conversation I was having?

        Hindi-speakers chide you for using "Chaddo" if you are not Punjabi. But they force Hindi upon people from other language backgrounds. They make fun of Bengali speakers. They are disgusted by the Dravidian languages. North-Eastern languages are Chinese to them. And if you don't speak in Hindi, you are not Indian. Yes, a 2-century old language is the language of a million years old civilization.

        Sorry to hurt you, dear and not dear Hindi-lovers, but you ain't doing any good job by speaking in Hindi. Bihar has already lost its linguistic identity because of Hindi being forced upon them. Bhojpuri and Maithili used to have their own scripts, but they are brushed aside as being just dialects of Hindi. They even say Rajasthani is a dialect of Hindi and that Hanuman Chalisa is in Hindi.(Apparently, even Awadhi, which is older than Hindi, is now a dialect of Hindi.) Save Bihar, Rajasthan and the rest of India from the attack of Hindi. Say no to Hindi and Save India.

Edit #1:

           Wanted to add some lines by Rabindranath Tagore on Hindi, “Whatever the national convenience of a language that can facilitate inter-cultural communication in our country, it remains a mere convenience and cannot replace the value of one’s native tongue as a vehicle of intimate self-expression.

            I have in my institution at Santiniketan provision for the teaching of Hindi as well as Urdu."

Edit #2:

Also, India is the fastest language-losing nation on earth. The UNESCO lists 197 Indian languages as endangered or vulnerable, more than any other country. According to the PLS, we have lost 50 languages in the past five decades. That means murdering of an entire Indian culture just because the people in power were from Hindi-background!

My Youtube Video on Hindi : https://bit.ly/3LNXiZT

Depression Diary! - Part 2

Nothing is the same after you enter life's "depression" phase from "being the carefree kid with big ambitions" phase. Yeah, you eat normally, breathe normally, have cravings and mood swings and every other normal human thing. But then again, nothing is the same again.

Depression makes you observant. You better notice people's hypocrisy, especially of the ones closer to you. You see how "Go vegan" is just a non-veg hater's inferiority complex and not any care for animals' lives. You see how your friends just pretend to be secular and liberal and only blame others for their extremist beliefs. You realize that the ones who claim that you are their best friend are actually the ones that want to see you fall. 

 

Other than these painful things, depression has a beauty to it too. It makes you a romantic. It makes you a lover of poems and shayari and music and other art. And suddenly, after some couples of years in you depression bed, you realize its cushions are better than the cushions of normalcy. And you want to stay here more, just like the songlines "Mainu pinjre de vich qaid kara, mai na udhna chahva. Je mai bahar nikla te mainu maar dengi hava va." by Gurnazar.

And after Dwelling in the darkness of depression for a long time, when somehow the door to happiness opens, you are scared of stepping out that door. No, not because you are now used to deppression, but because the creatures, that sent you to the dungeon of depression, are still lurking out there, waiting to prey, on you. 

Ending with an observation of mine. Some people are so damn lucky 'cause when I publish my blogs and show them, they won't believe it's true, that it's made up. Well! I hope it never becomes true for you. It shall be my gift to you.