Life, As It Is

Life has never been easy for me. Nor has it ever been impossible. It just has always been a bit too difficult. And that's the problem. I don't get things easily. Most times, I don't get those at all and like quite recently, I get those but lose as quickly as I can.

My life has always been along the edge. And I keep slipping. Barely making it to the next benchmark. I live on the peak of the most rugged mountain. Left, right, front, back; everywhere, I lose something. Staying is unbearable and going back is torturous.

There are a few flowers on the way, ever ready to spread their magical smell. But when you come near, you realize they stink and the sweet odour was just a cover-up. The vines grow and throw you off the feet; you try to get up, they push you back; herbs that were supposed to heal you, poison your wounds.

And to add chillies to an already hot soup, since the last 3rd year, I have developed this great attribute of quitting. Not many know, but I am about do it for the 8th time in a row.

What lies ahead, or rather behind now, are chartered waters; but the waters that pull you down. Every. Single. Time.

So, it goes like this. I am living on quick sand, I have to walk on burning coal and all this, only to fall into the inevitable black hole.

NuMb

This blog was written before and after my blogs, HINDI and BETRAYAL respectively. But due to some personal reasons, I am publishing it late.

     It's been a while since I wrote my last blog and though I wanted to be regular with blogging, I just couldn't. Life, if you are an emotion-driven empath, makes you numb. And to top it with all the more sufferings, my DNA is that of an introvert, socially awkward, blunt empath.

     I was solving my math problems when suddenly, my pen pushed me to pen down this blog.(And people wonder why I love Math) Well, coming back to the point of this blog, I realized that my life has been full of so many "If only I had known better!"s. I could have saved myself from so many heartaches, betrayals, futile trying to make people better understand or see the truth.

     I would have let myself move on when I was hoping they would see and change. I wish I had known that the scars they showed me on their bodies, were mere tattoos to misguide others. I would not have, not at all, spent the slightest energy on the person, for whom I was ready to die once, if I had already known, she looks down upon "Bengalis". I would not have considered my parents "God" and seen them as just humans like you and me.(Edit: They are the best parents I could have have got.)

     I would not have thought that all my dreams would come true just because I prayed for them. You have to work hard and be patient, dear! I would noy have been that dreamer and wanderlust person, if only I had known "Reality will never let you escape.". 

     Today, I know better and still don't know so much. I don't even know what and how much I don't know. I don't know what I need to know. But I have realized one thing, and I hope I've realized right, and that is that life sorts it out. What's meant to be, will be. Neither give up nor be impatient. If you are still breathing, you must be still trying.

     Signing off, my dear Sunflowers! Take care!