Tuesday, 6 August 2024

Golden Child Complex

Just came back, rummaging through my parents medicine boxes for sleeping pills.

A few days ago, during an argument with my mother, where she, as usual, had her voice unusually sweet because father was present, she asked me if she had ever taunted me for spending their money after my studies.

I said, "Yes!".

"When?".

I didn't remember. But I was so sure she had. But if I didn't remember, it must have not had happened, right? So, I hated my own mother so much that I had made up fake scenarios in my head?

Today, early in the morning, when I was still sleeping, I woke up to the sound of my parents talking. And just as they crossed through my room(I have a personal, not a private room), she said loudly, "If only she(She used my name) started providing tuition again, it would cover the extra expenses.".

I had told her earlier, that I don't want to tutor students because then I am left with very little time to focus on my other goals.

This started a chain reaction of my memories.

I remember how one day after I had given up on Bank Examination preparations, she had said to my father, "She wasted the money, na?".

Once she had said to him, "Let's wait for her to become something. Let's see if she becomes something at all.".

I remembered how father had told me, after I switched my tuitions in standard 12, that now he has to spend more money on my tuitions because of me. (It was less.)

I still remember how my sister said when we were in school("in", not "at"), that we are poor because I don't use her old course books. Tanu di is rich because she uses her elder sister's old books.

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