Dilemma

Above is just a pic I took and happen to like.

The dilemma is that I want to become a singer, basically, a pop-star kind of singer, but I am too old to begin and not willing to go through all the struggle in becoming one.

     I love singing. It takes me to another world. I love the pain, the sorrow, the happiness, the smirks, the grief, the anger, in the lyrics and music of the songs. I love practising. I love when I am able to hit the tone right. I love listening to my voice, when I am practising.

     But even the local competitions ask for a lot of money to even register. Like recently, I was trying to participate in one and it asked for Rs.8,500. Dude! If I could afford that much I would have hired a vocal caoch and straight away applied for Indian Idol. Moreover, all my life, my family, my parents, my sister, my friends, everyone has only said that I am a horrible singer, that I don't sing, I recite a poem. That my voice is not high enough, that I am unable to do the ups and downs of the songs. 

     Recently, I sang "Phero Na Najariya" from the movie, "Qala", playing it on my harmonium and uploaded it on YouTube. My mother heard and said it's okay. I was hoping she would support me and share the video on her facebook or whatsapp. But after waiting dor 2-3 days, when she didn't share, I asked her myself if she could do so. She bluntly refused with a smile. And the look in her eyes, well, you won't believe even if I told you.

     Well, that's it. That's my life, my journey. People say, even my own sister, that I get things easily. I have no idea which things she is speaking of. I would not ask her to walk a mile in my shoes; I can't wish that bad for anyone.

     You know that pain when you too have problems in your life but people say just because you are better off than that one person, so, you have no right to feel sad? You don't? Well, then, you are one hell of a lucky person.